feeling like an idiot by k

yesterday i had another moment when i felt like an idiot. they seem to happen a lot more over here. is it being in a new place, is it the language, or is it plain old incompetence? i'm not sure anymore. yesterday's moment came when dorian and i went downtown to go to an opera for kids at the liceu, barcelona's opera house. they have a program called the petit liceu and dorian was excited when i bought tickets for three shows. the first was "the four musicians from bremen."

we walked down to the metro, right as we got to the bottom of the stairs a train came. less than 15 minutes later we were across the street from the liceu. we had some time to kill. we were going to go to the cafe de la opera, a place i used to love going when i was 20, but after walking in dorian said no way because it was too smokey. i'm so used to smoke free everything in california that it still strikes me every time i enter a smokey place. dorian just can't fathom it, never having lived somewhere with smokey restaurants/cafes. (this is still not the idiot part.)

on las ramblas there are not many places that aren't touristy, so i suggested (yes, i can't believe it either!) dunkin donuts, which is called dunkin coffee here. arel had mentioned craving donuts that morning, so i had donuts on my mind. dorian was into it, especially since he thought it would make arel jealous, so we got him a donut and drink and sat in a smoke-free environment while he ate. yes, i stooped to going to a dunkin donuts, but i didn't get anything for myself, although my friend penny claims they have great coffee!

from there we headed the half block back to the liceu where i asked a couple people where the children's programs are shown. they weren't sure. i knew it wasn't in the main hall. we found a really nice little opera shop with stuff for kids in it, we found the larger opera shop and a cafe. when i finally found someone who knew something...it's 11:50 now, program starts at 12:00, we were told that this performance was at an auditorium outside the city! this is when i felt like an idiot. why did i assume it would be in or near the liceu? would i have made similar assumptions in s.f.? dorian cried and said, forget it! i felt bad. the women who broke the news to us told us to take a taxi there.

stingy me cringed at the taxi option, but i thought i needed to save the day and that was the way. thanks to gps, the driver got us to the auditori de cornella just a few minutes late...18 euros poorer. we walked in just as they were dimming the lights, found our seats...good ones, and i thought, this is all going to work out. music played, people danced and then the narration started in catalan! i knew this was a possibility, but i figured in opera language doesn't matter and i had read dorian the story ahead of time. but no, it did matter to dorian and he wanted nothing to do with my translations.

at least, i assured myself and him, the part when the animals scare the robbers will be funny, but that was precisely the part that this production decided to leave out. and because he couldn't understand the narration, he didn't even get that until i told him at the end. it was a nice production and if dorian had understood what they were saying, maybe he would have liked it. i did notice that he tapped his foot and clapped his hands in certain parts despite himself! but i still felt like an idiot! for not making sure i knew where the production was, for not double checking about the language, and for just thinking that it would be a really nice experience.

isolated this would have just been a little blip, but the feeling i had when the woman told me the performance wasn't there is very familiar these days. i'm in the wrong place, i made the wrong assumption, i don't understand the process, it's not done that way here...these moments come more often than i like. they're especially painful when they impact arel and dorian, although i think on some level it's good for them to see me struggle and not have all the answers.

how does feeling like an idiot serve me? it reminds me that i am only human (even if that's hard to accept!). it reminds me that none of these things are a matter of life and death. it reminds me that people all over the world struggle with these same things under much more difficult circumstances and keep going. it reminds me how lucky we are. and still, it would be nice not to feel like an idiot so often!

A Little Red Car - by b

Our neighbor very very generously lent us her car for this past long weekend --- while she and her daughters were out of town. We drove up to Empurias (about 40 km from the French border) where there is a beautiful beach, Greek ruins and YUMMMY LUNCH. Some snaps:

being far away is helping me let go - by b

One of the really positive aspects of this time here for me has been a somewhat changed relationship with my work. I'm not working less... but I am working differently. The distance is forcing me to delegate more ... which allows me to focus on higher-order tasks and responsibilities. Here is a link to a story from my daily work blog that is a snapshot of the letting go process. It's about how last Saturday night here I felt I had to help on a video shoot from 6,000 miles away. I set myself up for a night of heavy work.. and quickly realized it wasn't necessary. I learned that I didn't really need to be on the video shoot for say more than the first half hour. I COULD have gone to hear classical spanish guitar at a friend's house after all (it being Saturday NIGHT!)

ironies of life by k

we just had pizza...again. premade fresh pizza is a staple for us since we've been here. it's not bad and oh so easy. a couple pizzas, a cabbage salad and we're set.

but, it does get old sometimes. even for pizza-loving kids. tonight arel really wanted to get chinese take-out. sounds easy, but actually isn't. there's no eric's (chinese in s.f.) down the street. all the chinese i've had here has been terrible, and take-out is not really a concept that has taken off here as it has in the u.s.

so, the irony is that after pizza dinner, i went online to search recipes for arel and dorian's favorite noodle dish at a thai restaurant near our house in s.f. as i said to myself, "something that tastes like home," it struck me as sort of funny that a taste of home for us is thai food. of course, there are lots of other tastes from home, but thai food and asian food in general is definitely a staple for us, and not easily found here. makes me wonder how charlotte, marc, eliana and miranda are enjoying the abundance of asian food in laos this year!

some time this week, i'll head down to a great asian market near the university and buy ingredients for pad see eeuw, and see what i can do. while i'm there, i'll pick up a couple other tastes of home...fresh flour tortillas and polenta, available in an asian market...go figure.

some suprising similarities

there are a few surprising similarities between barcelona and san francisco...things i hadn't known about or realized before. one (and granted it wasn't around when i was here 20 years ago) are the little flocks of parakeets that fly around screeching. you see them sometimes in san francisco, and they frequent a few palm trees on dolores street. you know they're in there if you walk by because they make a racket! when we first moved into our place here, i saw some little flocks of birds from far away and thought i heard that distinct parakeet screech, but it wasn't until barak and dorian reported that there were bright green birds on a plaza near arel's soccer practice that i began to wonder. when i finally saw them close up, i saw it is parakeets, and there are a lot here! the funny thing is that here they mingle with the pigeons some times, pecking at the ground. i've never seen one not in flight in san francisco. i asked a friend about them and she said that supposedly they came off a ship at some point and are spreading like wildfire.

not a similarity, but speaking of birds, i saw a funny thing the other day as i rode the bus home. there were some pigeons in a real live tree, eating berries off the tree! i found it very bizarre because i don't think i've ever seen a pigeon acting so much like a bird. i still hate pigeons, but it makes me believe that maybe at some point they weren't so rat-like and ground-dwelling.

the other funny san francisco thing that's a couple blocks from where we live is the tranvia blau. looks just like a san francisco cable car, but it's bright blue! we haven't taken it because it only goes a few blocks right near here, and just like cable cars it's absurdly pricey!

the last thing we're reminded of every day is the hills of san francisco. barcelona only has water on one side and pretty much starts sloping up from there until makes it all the way up to tibidabo which is at our back. there are a few random lumps along the way, but right before you get to our house, things start to get really steep. and that's what we walk up pretty much every day, much to arel and dorian's dismay! it makes the hill up to our house in san francisco from church street seem very easy.

thanksgiving delayed by k

thanksgiving is definitely one of my favorite holidays...it's all about the food and simply being with friends/family. this year, the actual thursday came and went without much fanfare. regular school day, regular soccer practice for arel. it was strange to think about everyone back home immersed in the holiday because it really felt far away from here.

our thanksgiving came yesterday and it was worth the wait. we invited what i was calling a strange mix of people, but we decided to go with it and see what happened. the obvious invitees were miguel and his son maxim, and my friend anna. both people i met over twenty years ago when i lived here. i actually shared a thanksgiving with anna my second year in barcelona, so it was nice to repeat that with her.

to them we added a jamaican mother from school and her son. she is part of a package deal, which includes her best friend, her best friend's husband and their two-year-old twin daughters. we met them a while ago and really liked them too, so having the whole package over was a pleasure, although we didn't get to talk to either of them much...each one was constantly chasing a two-year-old around!


and finally we invited some neighbors. the funny thing about them is that, for all our grumbling about the 60 bus we take to and from school, that's where we met these people. one is marta, who takes her 3-year-old son pere to school twice a week on that bus. she is a professor of american literature and has spent some time in the united states. her husband is a history professor. and then there's clara. a 14-year-old barak hit on one day...i mean asked to babysit. she grew up in berlin until two years ago, when her parents split. her mother is catalan, father german. anyway, she has babysat a couple times and we invited her mother and sister along to thanksgiving as well.

it was a first thanksgiving for a few people, a second for others, and for the rest of us a twist on our own traditions. barak was in charge of the turkey. he ordered one at a market not far from arel and dorian's school and went to pick it up on saturday. he brined it overnight and it turned out really well. there was some question as to whether it was done, but once everyone had gathered round the table to weigh in, miguel declared it cooked enough (well, if the doctor says so...) and we ate. i made stuffing for the first time...usually karen volunteers to make the stuffing. i looked up recipes on epicurious and sort of combined several to fit the ingredients i had on hand. everyone raved about the stuffing, but of course they have nothing to compare it with. arel said he's had better stuffing!

baked butternut squash with spices was also on the menu, along with sauteed chard with raisins and pinenuts in the catalan tradition. the jamaicans brought salad and delicious scalloped potatoes...dorian asked for the secret recipe. the only thing really missing was cranberry sauce, which one can find here, but was too much of a bother.

dessert was apple crisp (no pumpkin pie...too ambitious here), marta brought a huge ensaimada (pastry) and miguel brought ice cream. this being spain, there was also lots of wine and cava at hand, and everyone left stuffed to the gills. the strange mix mixed very well...

Alles für diesen Moment - by b

Here is an image from our last hour or two in Munich. It's a large billboard at the airport... we saw it from the train as we were leaving town.

Kristin generally doesn't notice billboards ... (billboards are supposedly my domain while she is much more versed in the things I tend to miss --- e.g. the inner emotional lives of people). This time, though, she pointed out the tag line: Alles für diesen Moment (All for this Moment).

Living for the moment is something I have been working on for some time ... with a lot of help from Kristin. It's one reason we are in Spain.

Living for the moment is not always an easy thing for me. I made myself a reminder, a sweatshirt that says "Hineni" which means "I Am Here" in Hebrew. Here is one interpretation:

"Presence. Full attention, in present time, to whom you're with, and to what you're doing, answering call of the moment. Distracting thoughts of past and future are momentarily lost in the strength and clarity of light of the present."

It is meant to help me focus on the present... this can mean everyday things like focusing on my kids and not my email. Or being fully engaged in the conversation i am having now and not answering my phone for another. It can mean having confidence that i will remember an amazing moment and not interrupt it by taking a photo. It can mean not dwelling on the past at the expense of this moment and not fretting so much about the future at the expense of now (which enables such things as going to live in another country for a year). Some of these things are easier for me than others... I am working at it.

Germany seems to struggle with this as well. It is a country where the past lingers. While Kristin's funny and very warm cousin Frank drove us around Munich he asked if we would to go to Dachau which is nearby. Every kid after they turn 11 or 12 should go he said. We decided that this will be better on a future trip.

Dachau, along with Germany's many other museums and memorials to a monstrous atrocity are only part of the story. War itself, and its aftermath, were hell. The country (the cities) were bombed mercilessly from the air --- as can be seen driving and walking around. WWI was a nightmare for soldiers. WWII for soldiers and civilians. Kristin's mom, as a young girl about the age our kids are now, was bombed where she was living. She managed to escape falling, burning beams of wood.

So the past is inextricably woven into the present in Germany. For me, especially the first few times I visited, enjoying the present was not easy. The most simple, innocuous images, scenes and objects transported me to a very different time. A train was not just a train, a pillow was not just a pillow, a walk in the woods was not just a walk in the woods.

Each trip I make to germany, it is easier for me to just be. This is in part because I am simply getting better at living in the moment. And also because I know Germany much better now than when I first visited as an 18-year-old with my cousin Don. It's no longer an idea and collection of symbols--- but a place and collection of real people.

This trip was filled with many moments that I really loved being part of. If you regularly read this blog you have already seen the gleeful look of the kids throwing snowballs, and the relaxed look on Kristin's face in the mountains at Neuschwanstein (she always gets like that in the mountains). I have no image to share of running alone (in my Hineni sweatshirt) in the pre-dawn light and snow next to the Isar River (that'll have to be my own memory). But here is something I did snap: Frank with one of his daughters. Alles für diesen Moment

school by k

last night dorian was telling me some of the things he hates here, like riding the 60 (our bus to school) and walking up the hill to our house. i said, but you like school, right? his reply: i love school! i would hug it if i could.

snowy munich by k

sunday morning and it's snowing outside...munich is slowly turning white. arel and dorian are loving grabbing handfuls of snow and throwing them at each other and us! even though it's bitterly cold, there is something magical about snow and i'm glad we've come in november. snow is much better than rain. on friday we got completely and totally drenched at one point by freezing horizontal rain running to my cousin frank's car.

since i only brought one pair on pants, i was worried about what to wear that evening to my other cousin's place. dorian and i went in search of dryers in the basement of the building we're staying in, while arel and barak went to a tour of the allianz arena. i had seen someone coming up in the elevator with a laundry basket, so we headed down. at the end of a dark hallway was a room that said washing! inside were washing machines and dryers and a complicated set of lists where it appeared that one needed to sign up. i also found some "cages" with clothes lines where people hang their clothes to dry. someone came in and told me that you only need to sign up for the washers, not the dryers. i think it's because washers take a super long time here, about an hour and a half (not sure why) and there is not a tradition of using dryers, so they are probably not as much in demand.

i had a phone hour long phone call i first needed to make, so i just put pants and socks on the radiator in the apartment and miraculously they were dry in about an hour. no need for a return trip to the basement!

it has really hit me how much more culinarily aligned i am to germany than to spain. and it's not the wurst and sauerkraut! i love all the different breads and pastries and fruit and wish i could just eat eat eat without stopping, but only so much fits in my stomach. i have felt full pretty much the whole time since we've gotten here because i start with a breakfast of eggs and bread and stay full from there. i haven't even had apfelkuchen (like apple pie) and it's one of my favorites! i saw someone eating it yesterday at a bookstore cafe, but i think i would have exploded had i ordered a piece! i think in the end, the food here is more like what i eat in california, and then there are those few other special things that i love from here.

we had dinner both friday and saturday nights at my cousin boris's place. he has two kids, 11 and 13, and arel and dorian got along with them splendidly. they speak some english and were really nice and made a great effort to entertain their cousins from san francisco. the made it possible for barak and me to hang out with boris and his wife, anke.

in about twenty minutes we'll head to the subway to take a train out to my uncle and aunt's for the afternoon. both boris and frank will come with their families. frank has three little girls, between 2 and 5. my father's other brother, wolfram, will also join us, so it will be a mini family reunion. they live outside the city, so i think arel and dorian will have lots of time to play outside in the snow.

tomorrow we take an 11:24 train to the airport and head back to barcelona. tuesday arel and dorian go back to school!

Munich - by b

munich 2 by k

yummy breakfast, scheiss wetter!

munich by k

the bells are chiming at some church here in munich...it's 7:54 a.m. dorian is still sleeping, arel is is the bathtub...no water but two comforters, reading his book. barak is out with his computer having some coffee and here i am at this little table writing and looking forward to a good german breakfast!

we rented a tiny studio apartment in the "in" neighborhood of munich. it's only one room with a sleeper couch and a single bed, with an extra matress for the floor. all very comfortable foam with nice white duvets and pillows. there's a tiny kitchen and a bathroom with a huge tub. all for 50 euros a night...and free internet!

breakfast, yes, germans do like a good breakfast! spaniards don't have a breakfast tradition at all...just some white bread or mediocre croissant and coffee. but the germans, ah, it's a thing of beauty! we went out yesterday morning and dorian got pancakes with bananas and chocolate sauce, which he then traded for nutella. arel got the standard breakfast...a basket of bread, a plate with coldcuts and cheese, and two poached eggs. barak got an omelete and i got muesli. we were even able to make two sandwiches with arel's leftovers for our outing...how german and thrifty is that?! it's funny how food can make one so happy...just having all these yummy things to choose from was a good start to the day.

after breakfast, we took a metro to the hauptbahnhof...the main train station where we started our journey to see one of the world's most famous castles, neuschwanstein. we bought a "bayern ticket" for 27 euros, which allows up to five people ride on trains within bavaria from 9:00 a.m. until 3:00 a.m. the next day! another bargain to caress my german soul.

the ride was about two hours and as we got closer there were amazing views of the alps. we really lucked out on the weather...it didn't rain all day and the sun even came out. lots of green countryside rolling by, lots of little towns and the snow covered alps in the distance for much of the trip. our destination was right at the edge of the alps...very beautiful!

from the train we took a bus closer to the castles and then walked up the hill...only a little bit of grumling from dorian. i visited this castle when i was seven, dorian's age, but really only remember that we visited and what the postcard i bought looked like, so i wasn't sure what to expect.

the castle (on which walt disney based his magic kingdom castle) is in a truly spectacular landscape...the edge of the alps with lots of granite rock and forest all around. one other thing i remember from childhood is that the king who built it was "crazy." what became clear to me, based on the very little that i know, is that king ludwig was not crazy. he had a great imagination and was very creative and playful, which i imagine in the 1800s in germany gets you the classification of "crazy." our tour guide said that ludwig's death at 41 is still a mystery and hinted that some think he wasn't crazy at all.

this castle of his creation is beautiful...not every part to my taste, but some mosaics and painted arches that are just amazing. the floor in one room is a mosaic made up of two and a half million pieces, and took over two years to lay. it's very playful with pictures of animals all around. lots of color everywhere! i really loved it.

then back to munich, where we found that to pee in the train station you have to pay 1,10 to use a toilet and ,60 to use a urinal! i wonder if women are allowed to choose the urinal. there are even little turnstiles to get into each section. i snuck dorian in on my 1,10.

from there barak headed back to the apartment to get ready for a work call. arel, dorian and i went in search of a place to buy tickets for a bayern munich soccer game...an exercise in frustration! these european futbol clubs are hard to navigate, and when we finally found a fan shop, they told us the game is sold out! now i find it hard to believe that the allianz arena , which fits 69,000 people is going to be full on a day with snow and/or heavy rain in the forecast and bayern play a mediocre team. but, no, i can't satisfy my child's dream of seeing his favorite team play! frustrating! arel is very disappointed, but we'll take him for a stadium tour today to the mega fan shop, so all will be well.

off to breakfast now, then my cousin frank will pick us up to spend the day with him. this evening it's dinner at my cousin boris's. tschuess!

sad news by k

why is it that when i'm out and about in the world, i always have a million things i want to blog about, and then when i finally logon, it can't think of any of them?! i guess that right now my mind is too full of some news i got last friday. one of my cousins committed suicide. he was exactly my age, and i lived with his family for six months when i was 17. we were never particularly close, but it has really given me pause.

i feel incredibly sad for his family who will now have to live with this for the rest of their lives. apparently he didn't leave anything written behind, so they will always be left to wonder what happened for him, what pushed him to this final act. i honestly would never have guessed that this particular cousin would have done such a thing, and so i am reminded that everyone has a life deep inside that is theirs alone, full of feelings they can't or don't know how to express. for some it simply becomes too painful, too desperate. it reminds me of a story that karen told me from a documentary about people who have jumped off the golden gate bridge. if i remember correctly, one man said that he would walk to the bridge and if one person smiled at him he wouldn't jump. no one smiled at him.

i challenge everyone who reads this to smile at one person today.

TMB by A

i really truly hate riding the bus. it always takes forever to come and when i come home by myself in the eveing after soccer i have to take at least 2 buses and its soooooo cold when im at the STUPID bus stops freezing my ass off




please excuse me for my language

Barca

i saw barca vs Basel at camp nou with my friend Samuel and we sat in the 6th row!!!!! it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cool! the on thing is that it was a tie but we saw messi and xavi and eto'o warming up righ in front of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what a relief by k

HURRAY!!!!!!!! i feel a great weight lifted off my shoulders!

election day by k

it's a big day! i'm on pins and needles, but i have to say that i can't imagine barack obama not winning. it simply can't happen. still, i will feel a lot calmer when the official word is in and we can be sure that republican shenanigans won't derail this victory.

i am not in love with obama. (there's only one barak for me!). he's not a savior and he's definitely not perfect, but he's smart and that's huge. i still have a bitter taste in my mouth from the misogynist sentiments that reared their ugly heads when hillary clinton was still in the race. it made clear to me how far we still have to go for people to accept a woman as leader in the u.s. i don't blame obama for that...it's just a fact that became very clear again, and it makes me sad.

but i am very excited by this historic election. hopefully the country will begin down a new path, will clean up its act internationally, and mccain supporters will see that obama is not the antichrist. (a lot to ask, i know.)

it will be hard to go to sleep tonight knowing all the activity that will be going on at home. i tried to get us into a democrats abroad election night party, but it is sold out. i even tried to use barak's name to get us higher on the waiting list, but that didn't work. instead, we'll wake up tomorrow and hopefully have the answer. barak will probably get up at some point in the middle of the night, check the internet and then whisper the result to me. i can still remember clearly that we were in poland in 1992, in the small town where my father was born. in the middle of the night we heard on a short wave radio that clinton had won...it was such a relief! and this time it will be an even bigger relief. i literally want to cry for happiness when i think of an end to the bush/republican insanity...please let it be so.

happy halloween by k

where does the time go? i have almost posted a few times, but something always seems to come up. i told a friend here the other day that i feel like i am always running around and she said, "congratulations, now you are catalan!" i've been trying to figure out why i always feel pressed for time, and the only really concrete thing i can think of is the time we spend on public transportation and walking. and it does add up. the other less tangible thing is the learning curve; figuring out where and how and what to do adds a lot of time to things. and now i add to that the start of my coaching certification program and my head is absolutely spinning, but in a good way!

today is halloween and i have to say i like the fact that it is low-key here. there was supposed to be a party at school tonight, but it was postponed because of rain. kids dressed up at school (dorian was a businessman...very apropos) and there were small class parties in the lower grades, but arel went as himself and was perfectly happy.

i'm feeling quite anxious about the election and will be very relieved when it's over. i was watching a little bit of "the daily show" on my computer today, and even that i found upsetting. they were showing clips of mccain/palin supporters talking about how scared they are that obama will win...terrifying! i can't believe i live in the same country as them! has it always been this polarized?

barak's parents, barry and avra, arrived in barcelona on wednesday on a cruise from rome. we had a nice dinner with them on their ship that evening, and they came here for dinner last night. they're both relaxed and barry seems to be doing well after completing his chemo in august. they're here for three more days, but unfortunately it is supposed to rain all weekend, so i'm not sure exactly what we're going to do. the kids may have a sleepover in their hotel room one night, but i'm coming down with something, so i'm not sure i'll be up for a crazy spanish night out with barak.

we also got to have lunch with ian williams on monday...crazy betsy's husband. he brought us maple syrup and vanilla extract, which i had requested. not impossible to get here, but so insanely expensive that i would never shell out the euros. we had delicious french toast the next morning! funny the things one misses.

that's it for now, or arel and dorian will tell me my post is too long again! love to all.

16-0

omg! i played my first game of the season and we lost 16-0 it was futsal whih i guess makes a little better but it was still really bad. im gonna be the captain next game and hopefully i can pshyck us up a little so we can lay alot better

likes and dislikes by k

here's a snaphot of where i am with stuff right now. as you'll notice, some things fall under both likes and dislikes...how conflicted am i? things change every day, sometimes by the hour.

likes

• always people of all ages out and about, in cafes, on benches, walking around...feels fundamentally different from home in this respect
  
• having a view from home
  
• being able to travel: plans for munich in november, israel in december
• not having a car
  
• small school with small classes, arel and dorian are happy with it
  
• having a pool at our disposal
• walking amidst beautiful architecture
• sense of history in the old parts of the city
  
• getting perspective on our life in s.f. (we have it pretty damn good over there!)
  
• hearing spanish all the time
• diverse community at school...people literally from everywhere
• being able to give arel more freedom
• not worrying about gun violence
• jogging to get arel and dorian at school
• meeting new people all the time (inspiring to hear about other people's lives and imagine possibilities)
  

dislikes

• bureaucracy! (see previous blog post)
  
• not having a car: makes certain things much more difficult, like food shopping and playdates
  
• grocery shopping: expensive, often can't find what i want, pain to get stuff home
• not feeling totally in control
• not enough spanish at school (it is every day for at least an hour so i should just calm down)
  
• muggy, dirty air (depends on the day, obviously)
  
• jogging to get arel and dorian at school
• spiders biting dorian and giving him huge welts
• overthinking the future (probably i'd be doing that anywhere, but because of changes it seems to be happening more than ever!)
• meeting new people all the time (it's exhausting at times to put myself out there)
  
• i miss people from home